... whoa... call me naive... say I was brought up under a rock... say what you will, but realize first that I honestly had no idea Mormons had special underwear... some sort of knee-length thing with thick fabric buttresses over the special places.. mainly the nipples and pubes.... again, all I can say is whoa... the thought of someone needing reinforcements over their extra-sensitive bits just boggles my mind... Mormons must have nipples of steel... but, I digress...

.. this post, in no way, is meant as disrespectful of Mormons.... actually, I've never even met a Mormon... and as such, I usually wait until I've met people before I start making fun of them... so, this is NOT making fun of Mormons... it's just me... trying vainly to understand why the vast majority of the population isn't going Commando.... after all, God created us naked... and even after Eve bit into that forbidden fruit and covered herself in fig leaves, God issued no great commandment about negligees.. gentile or not.... surely God's Underwear is nothing but fur resting securely against denim.... as it was in the beginning, right?... or at least fur against silk... or satin... or burlap...

.. damn... there I go again... digressing... see, I have just had an email exchange with Boudicca... and it is quite possible that it is the strangest exchange via the internet that I've ever had... which is saying a lot.... anyway, I was told something that I was honestly ignorant of... sure, the Blogosphere is full of freaks, geniuses, flashers, and ego-maniacs... but in all my years of corresponding with them, I've never stumbled upon the fact that Mormons have special underwear.... so, thank you, Bou... I don't know where I'd be without you... still, someone should have sent me the memo...

... anyway, to cut a long story even shorter, here's the deal... as a public service announcement, be it herein known, Mormons wear a body sock with reinforcements... pretty damn kinky, if you ask me.... and I, as you all know, am a sworn proponent of boycotting knickers in general... freedom, that's what God intended... flowing in the breeze, and knocking at your knees mid-thigh....

... and it is at such times as I am currently experiencing - this shocking revelation of Mormon underwear - that I question the validity of the religious way of life....

... what's my point?... well, as is often the case, I have none... other than to say that if the Mormons ever moved to the South, they'd be in for trying times... indeed, they'd either convert to a different religion, or die of heat stroke... now, I'm all for religious tolerance, but I have to say... even the Great State of Tennessee is not friendly to cotton knickers in July and August... much less full-body socks with reinforced nipple-covers.... chaffing, rashes, and dehydration await the Mormons that wanders South... it's a sore, but salient fact, people... it's not the heat down here, but the humidity that kills ya...

Posted by: Eric at 12:59 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 Wow...I had no idea too. And hell, I have actually KNOWN Mormons. I actually went to a Mormon wedding reception (non-mormons can't watch the ceremony). Weird...so weird!

Posted by: Dorothy at July 30, 2005 01:57 PM (LGAeW)

2 LOL! You are very welcome. Heh. To think I was able to teach the SWG something. Kinda blows me away...

Posted by: Bou at July 30, 2005 03:14 PM (5JHEt)

3 Whoa, you go commando? Nice... So, um... when did you say you were submitting that Application to Date Me on my blog? And do you wear mini-skirts on the first date?

Posted by: TheBisch at July 30, 2005 05:15 PM (y+dDE)

4 .. Mr. TheBisch, I appreciate your sentiment.. however, my name is Eric and I'm married... I'm merely guest posting for Cat while she's away.. ... although, I must admit, I am quite flattered...

Posted by: Eric at July 30, 2005 05:22 PM (YlwMq)

5 Doh, I missed that one. That's what happens when you travel for work and then come back and try to catch up on two weeks of blog reading!

Posted by: TheBisch at July 30, 2005 05:29 PM (y+dDE)

6 No such thing. Nope. Never. No way.

Posted by: Denise at July 30, 2005 10:38 PM (JTlEe)

7 Eric WOW hangin' in the breeze right up against a tree K*I*S*S*I*N*G ~BARK~ Burlap!!! Are you NUTS! Damn, that hurts just thinking about it! Who the heck invented underwear anyway... it's a stupid tradition... used to be underwear was considered decadent and immoral Women may have worn alot of petticoats and corsettes but not knickers! Well You do know the majority of Mormons live in Utah Where the temps can really rise to heights of hell And, it's mostly desert Well...the climate IS dry So...not so tough with the Xtra layers I suppose But, think about THIS: Where on earth did they come up with another layer of clothes? Some Mormons have several wives........so.........um Well, they also have lots of little rugrats....... Hey, maybe the extra layer of cloth is actually a stimulant? Nah....but...nah... I actually know some Mormon people in Utah, Nevada and TeXass (too chickenshit to ask them) Eric? Is this one of those bizarro weirdass traditions nobody can figure out where it came from and what it means and what the point of it all is because it happened in some past millenium that doesn't exactly apply to this millenium and ........is it like the speaking in tongues deal? All I know is, somebody's got some 'esplainin' ta do! And, I found a PICTURE of Mormon Garments I can't seem to get this site to take a link, so here it is the hard way: http://molelog.molehill.org/blomt/archives/2003/05/mormon_garments.html Ya know...this is kinda sick. No offense. I saw one acticle that they use them for evidence of ........ excitement. Not sure if that's exactly true... Well...um...look at that guys...

Posted by: Sinequanon at July 31, 2005 02:03 AM (Mvts/)

8 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA all that underwear talk got Cat's readers worked up and you got asked out!! too funny, man...

Posted by: shoe at July 31, 2005 01:40 PM (awET/)

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... is apparently not my month...

At 7:45a the outside temperature is 77 with 90% humidity...making it feel like 85 according to the weather gods. The temperature in my house is about equal. The A/C isn't working, I can't turn the fan on, my old thermostat is in pieces on the dining room table (as is the new one for some reason), there are tools all over my dining room, and I've heard nothing from the roommate or the landlord about what is going on.

... stupid July ...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 07:47 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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...I meant to write children... wonder how that slipped past the proofreading...

Anyhow, I'm back in DC after a series of terrible customer service experiences with United Airlines and experiences of even greater horror with the little demons they allow to travel their planes.

Today reaffirmed several long-held beliefs of mine as well...
1) When you need the shuttle to arrive on time, it will inevitably arrive early
2) Never, ever, EVER fly a major airline unless you have to
3) Children Devil spawn should travel in the cargo hold where their screaming, crying, shreaking, babbling, putrid smelling, seat kicking, hair pulling, arm poking, window slamming selves cannot be noticed.

Posted by: Princess Cat at 10:31 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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For the first time in a couple of days, I have a little bit of peace and time to explain what has kept me away. In short, Tuesday was a horrible place to be. Period.

It didn't start out all that bad. That morning a friend of mine also on vacation in LA borrowed his girlfriend's car and came up from downtown to visit. We had breakfast, took a little tour of town, bought his girlfriend's daughter a Care Bear, got the car washed, went to the Reagan Library...it was a relaxing day with someone I hadn't seen in years. We were just killing time together and having a good time.

And then...all hell broke loose...

On our way to see a movie we got our directions turned around and we never made it to the theater. While trying to turn around a truck traveling far too fast hit the front of the car we were using. The driver was a kid from the high school I went to that got out of the truck already screaming. His mom traveling in the opposite direction showed up just seconds later and joined him in screaming out orders of who to call and what he needed to do. My friend and I didn't talk to them. They had never heard of the words calm or rational.

A few seconds later a woman walks out of her house to tell us she called the police. Not a minute later they were on the scene...bringing with them fire trucks and an ambulance. For a non-injury accident there were 5 officers, 2 fire trucks, and an ambulance.

The front end of the truck was damaged and plastic pieces from it had flown everywhere. It had no crumpling and could easily still be driven. The point of impact on our car was almost directly the left front tire. The car was kneeling down with the wheel well so deformed the tire was unable to rotate. Both vehicles were towed before anyone asked us how we felt about it or where we wanted it taken.

I called my dad who couldn't help but he called my mom and Lil Bro who both left work to do what they could. I stood there not knowing what to do...I had never been in an accident before.

While I was trying to arrange a way for us to get back to my mom's house I had three people standing around me, closing me in, wanting my attention. I hung up the phone and they all started talking at once. When I tried to answer I couldn't help but start crying. My heart was racing, my friend was holding his neck, an officer was rudely questioning my friend, and I couldn't do anything. It was a massive test of my compulsive need to organize and direct a situation to resolution.

Most of what happened in the middle of things I missed because I was taken to the ambulance. Paramedics were concerned about what might happen as a result of my anxiety and they acted like I was in hysterics. They took my pulse, pressure, and then put me on a heart monitor before they would let me sign AMA papers.

By the time they let me out the kid's entire family was there watching. He was whining that his truck was no good, that it was done, and it had been totally ruined. The same officer that had been rudely questioning my friend was still harassing him. The registration was missing and he couldn't reach his girlfriend at work. The officer repeatedly questioned if he was on probation or on drugs. None of the officers wanted to talk to me. My family kept calling, sometimes at the same time. I stood on the side of the road trying to get my family to stop calling and just coordinate within themselves while my friend tried desperately to reach the owner of the car and the police kept running searches on him.

My brother showed up just as the car was being towed away and the rude officer was taking down my name and address. Within minutes of the officer obtaining that information (and nothing else from me) another officer came up behind my friend and asked him to put his hands behind his back. He was under arrest because there was a warrant for his arrest in a county 4 hrs away. He asked that the contents of his pockets be given to me, the officer complied, and then he was gone.

I stood there in shock. I knew where he was going and how much his bail would be but I had no idea why he was leaving. He had never been read his rights or the reason for the warrant explained. Suddenly he was gone, the officers talking to one another in the middle of the street, and the whole thing was over. Not once did an officer ask me if I had a place to go or a way to get there despite knowing I was from out of town.

I walked to my brother's car as the police looked on... the car's owner finally called back and I couldn't do anything but tell her that her only car had been disabled and that her boyfriend had been arrested ... a motorcycle cop tailed my brother most of the way down the freeway as he drove me to mom's house ... I had no idea the day could get worse...

He had been arrested around 2:30p - It took me the remainder of the day to get him out of jail. I had to wait 1.5 hours before there was a record of him in the system and it wasn't until then that he got his phone call to tell me again how much his bail would be. The officer in the background told him he could leave as soon as his fingerprints done, his pictures were taken, and I paid his bail. We left immediately and my credit card was run at 5:44p and I was told to wait for the other paperwork. It arrived 2 hours later. I signed it and was told it would be another 6-8 hours before he would be released.

Mom and I went to get dinner and kill a little time before calling to check on him. No one would answer the phone so we drove back to ask in person. The answer was "about another hour, if that." So we unsuccessfully went to look for coffee and came back 45 mins later. A party for a departing deputy was announced over some kind of intercom system...which aggravated both mom and me. An hour later my friend was finally released, at just before midnight.

The legitimacy of his warrant is still in question. It was issued because the computer claims he didn't pay a fine from 1998. He says he paid it but I don't know if he can prove it. His bail is subject to forfeiture because failure to pay the fine was considered violation of a court order. He has to get the court's permission to leave the state and return home to Brooklyn. And the way things stand, he has to come back again for a court date in the beginning of August...something nearly impossible to do in his career field.

The car owner got her registration from the DMV Wed morning but it took all day to get the car released from the towing company. It now sits at an auto place where my dad takes his vehicles. We don't know what it will cost to fix, if it is worth it, or how long the owner will be able to borrow other people's cars.

My friend and the owner went back to her place last night but damn near nothing is resolved and it feels like my body is coming up with new aches and pains by the hour.

Tuesday is my new least favorite day...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 01:34 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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More than anything (besides snakes), I HATE spiders...especially the black or brown ones. They are creepy, crawly, and all kinds of hibblie jibblie. I've written before about them and their death warrant that is signed the moment they enter my house. Last night a rather large spider found out that when I say my house, I mean the house I'm staying in, and I mean business. So here's the story...

First night I'm here, there's a spider at eye level on the wall...mom kills it.

Next night, spider in the middle of the floor...mom kills it. I go to my room to go to bed, move the pillow, and the spider hiding underneath scurries across the bed, underneath the other one. I of course, freak the hell out. The evil army of eight legged repulsion crossed an unforgivable line...no one defiles my bed unless I say so... Mom and I ripped the bed apart, picking up the mattress and everything, but to no avail... the offender cannot be found. Only after all the bedding is shaken and the pillows pounded on the floor am I able to get into bed...and even then I hardly slept.

Next night, spider looking creature on the floor...it was some other bug unlucky enough to be seen by me... mom killed it.

Last night, I am tired and I am more than ready to go to bed. I perform what is now a ritual of moving the pillows and shaking them before I can get into bed...nothing happens...I think I am safe. I was wrong.

I grab my PJ top off the bed, turn it right side out, and pull it on over my head. I walk to the door to turn off the light when I feel something tickle. It wasn't a normal tickle. It was the kind of tickle that made my mind immediately freak out while hoping I'm just a paranoid psycho. Nope... I tug at my shirt to make the tickling stop and out plops the previous bedroom offender...he's big enough to have identifiable mass... I am shuddering at the realization that the evil doer didn't just get near me...it was on me...it touched me...it tickled me!

This could not stand! I look around the room and find my homicidal weapon of choice...the 3 inch heel big black boot...

In one motion I move the bag it had crawled under and swing down with the boot. It is a loud, satisfying thump on the carpet that sheers off a couple of legs and leaves its body slightly crumpled. But that is not enough for me. I must have revenge!

Several angry blows later, I emerge from my homicidal rage and bitterly tell mom of the unspeakable offenses and the spider's rightful demise. But still, I slept horribly... in fear that more are lurking... and may now have my number...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 10:51 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I spent most of last night putting a box of pictures in some semblance of chronological order and then into photo albums for better storage...and it was a horrible experience...

I have an entirely new perspective on my awkward early teens and how it came to be that I had no real friends to speak of... and it is even worse than the way I have remembered it all these years.

In my mind, I was just a loner & an outsider trying to break into established cliques as the new kid...

These pics show it was far more than that... I was three times the size most girls my age... both taller and an obese child... skin as pale as milk... clothing meant for women decades older than myself that would have been unattractive and terribly out of fashion for a woman of any age or size... hair without even a remote hint of organization or understanding of good looks... huge ugly glasses that cut into my cheeks when I smiled... If you looked at most of these pics and didn't know a thing more about me, you'd say I was the neighborhood window licker... with a permanent seat on the short bus...

Part of me wants to burn the pictures and another part of me wants to just sit on the floor and cry... the voice in my head is screaming 'why didn't anyone tell me?!?' Children are mean to one another... especially when someone isn't 'normal'... I know first hand...

I suppose I should just be happy that I was an ugly duckling that grew out of it...but some days when I look in the mirror, I still see the duckling...

Being in LA is depressing...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:04 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Hey. Look on the bright side. At least you are good looking now. It could have been the opposite. I was always a handsome, ladies man when I was younger. Now I am the fat old ugly duckling with glasses.

Posted by: assrot at July 19, 2005 07:35 AM (ARCEn)

2 .. girls with glasses rock...

Posted by: Eric at July 19, 2005 09:53 AM (YlwMq)

3 Look at te bright side, at least you became hot. Me, I got to stay ugly and stupid. And your comments refuse to remember my personal info. My life is a fucking nightmare. Please kill me.

Posted by: skippystalin at July 19, 2005 10:11 AM (ruCNe)

4 Was it Red Skelton that said he loved going on dates with girls with glasses? You just lean over and hhhhhhhhhh...(presto, fogged up glasses).

Posted by: Ogre at July 19, 2005 10:28 AM (/k+l4)

5 You must post a hot or not photo...let the readers decide....

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at July 19, 2005 05:23 PM (glIjR)

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Lil Bro came over to mom's house for dinner tonight...it quickly became one of the most scarring moments of my young adult life... Examples?

... Lil Bro has size issues with condoms... EW!

... Lil Bro takes after my dad... shudder

... Dad wasn't known to give a subpar performance... hibblie jibblie

You see? TMI...way too much TMI! So now I have to go poke out my ear drums with Q-tips and scratch out my mind's eye with a dull knife...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 12:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I've been sorting through boxes of my things over the past two days and I have discovered I am a much worse pack rat than I ever previously admitted. First off, the boxes seem to be more like bottomless pits. Second, I have no idea why I have some of this stuff...

...notes from college classes I took in '99 and '00... that I still must check to make sure there is nothing uber useful in them (completely ignoring the fact that I haven't needed in the last 5 yrs...)

...unfinished holiday projects from grade school... that I am somehow telling myself I will finish and then put on a garage sale... (what?)

...more keychains than the number of keys I have ever had in my life... that I'm pretty sure I can part with... (as long as I don't look at them a second time... )

...half used coloring books... that I am sort of sure I can part with... (but I am sad to see my wonderful handy work going away... )

...and the most bizzare... a mold of my upper teeth... Yep, that's right...a dentist quality model of my upper teeth... weird...

Back to the salt mines though...the trash pile isn't big enough yet...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 10:23 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Today just isn't working out to be a very happy day here in the land of the Princess...

1) I was again up WAY too early...and out of the house by 6am... Which is especially not fun in my current state of temporary illness. At least I got a little more sleep later though.

2) Drama...I'm just going to leave it at that.

3) A thunderstorm is on its way so Shiela will be out of service until it passes. I just can't risk what migh happen to her with all the power fluctuations we get when it rains.

4) I have to pack. Packing is the bane of my existance. I know it means I get to go somewhere fun but I hate packing. But I leave for Cali tomorrow...so I have no choice but to pack... dammit...

I'll be back later - hopefully in a better mood...

UPDATE: I guess there's just something in the cards today...trying to get a bowl out of the cupboard for lunch I ended up breaking one of my roommate's dishes on the counter. Guess I'll be avoiding any major stunts today...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:05 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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