My homework for the day was to sit in the car and to try getting used to the mirrors. I almost let the assignment go by ... after all, who was really going to care all that much if I didn't do it ... but I knew that I had to live up to myself, to be truthful with my heart, and to honor the commitment I made.

No more backing out. No more "there's no consequence" excuses.

There are consequences. My sanity for starters.

In any event, I'm not sure if I succeeded more in making the driver's seat feel like a comfortable place or in trying to forget I was in a car.

I managed to actually put the key in the ignition this time. But only to turn on the radio, not the engine. Turning over the engine whilst alone is not something I'm ready for.

I found some cheerful, peppy music and tried to feel comfortable. I listen to music all day at my desk, so my theory was music in the car should make me feel more normal.

Singing definitely helped. It always helps.

My hands didn't feel as scary on the steering wheel as my mind said they would. Although, the proper driving posture still felt silly.

I mostly felt like a child, playing pretend, mimicking mom and dad driving. The other drivers in the parking lot gave me a few looks ... and I was embarassed ...

But I promised myself 20 minutes today, and I did not let my heart down.

Posted by: Princess Cat at 11:10 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
Post contains 277 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Honk the horn and wave when people look at you! It's fun!

Posted by: Ogre at September 07, 2006 06:49 AM (oifEm)

2 Good Job Cat! Its a process, and yes it may take a while but you definately seem like the person that once you undertake a task, you accomplish it. And remember, who cares what they think? We don't, why should you?

Posted by: David M at September 07, 2006 09:31 AM (6+obf)

3 Congratulations, Cat! Aweesome! It sounds like you are angry enough at your fear to do something about it, and that's the fire you need to succeed. Frankly, I don't think it's the size of the steps that matters, it's the direction. Forward is forward. WTG!!!!!

Posted by: FbL at September 07, 2006 05:09 PM (TXlt9)

4 I agree with FbL. It is indeed progress. I'm proud of you for sticking to your commitment to yourself.

Posted by: Laurie at September 07, 2006 08:27 PM (gqNCk)

5 Excellent! Baby steps will still get you there in due time.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at September 07, 2006 09:39 PM (ANg2D)

6 Great progress! Now, your next step is to take one of those offensive driving courses taught by ex SAS/NASCAR drivers. That'll get you ready for step three, which is to drive through downtown Manhattan with a bumpersticker that says Fcuk Taxis in English, Farsi and Arabic. Like Jim said, baby steps.

Posted by: Buckethead at September 08, 2006 06:53 AM (H0Zov)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

At first, I was half in, half out ... with my feet on the ground and my head leaning on the doorpost. It was a start.

Then, one foot after the other, I was inside. My butt felt weird in the seat. My back felt stiff. It was uncomfortable and weird ... like a new pair of shoes that you just aren't sure will ever break in right so maybe you won't buy them.

After about 10 minutes, I finally closed the door. I just sat ... with my hands in my lap ... feeling stupid.

My mind stepped out of my body and I saw myself from my bedroom window. What on earth is this chick doing? She's just sitting there. Haha. Check out the crazy girl going for a pretend drive, without her hands on the wheel even. Dude, I told you this girl is a freak.

I looked into the mirrors and tried to adjust myself to the idea that they are good tools. Reliance, even in the slightest, on anything other than my own direct line of sight made me squeemish. I am scared to trust.

It made my neck hurt. I need to stretch.

I sat in the driver's seat tonight.

Posted by: Princess Cat at 12:45 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 240 words, total size 1 kb.