October 25, 2007

Don't get confused
because you see me lookin' at you...
And I'm not leaving with you
just because you asked me to

Thank all things holy for a CVS near the office ...

My feet were bleeding before I even made it in the building today. When I walked back in the door I was wearing seven ... count em ... SEVEN band-aids

Looks like I'm just not your girl, Shoes ...

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May 28, 2007

The Shadow of the Day
Will Embrace the World in Gray
And the Sun Will Set For You

Just when you feel like the clouds might be parting, you realize that the peace you had found was just the eye of the storm as it was passing through.

You guessed it ... death number six, in just fifteen months.

This one makes me almost as angry as my grandmother's did ... it was preventable. Her own family was too dysfunctional to make a difference in her care and she was too stubborn to find new doctors ... despite how badly they continued to fail her.

Her husband is devastated and already hospitalized, awaiting a surgical procedure, with no one to go home to once he is discharged. And still ... each family member is focused on themselves, putting the blinders of selfishness they have lived with for the past decade to maximum usage.

I could understand if the dysfunction drove them apart completely ... but each of them will ride into to town on the a variety of high horses demanding to be the ultimate decision maker and first person called for everything. It is no different than my aunt who hardly spoke to my grandmother and then came to town when she died ... to fulfill her responsibilities as the eldest child. It is just pathetic and stupid.

Where were all of you when I was calling doctors, making appointments, checking for interactions in medication and accurate dosing, buying food and cooking when they were too tired and needed to be taken care of? In your nice comfy lives, half a country away where she was out of sight and out of mind. Not your problem, right?

I fully expect to be made the scapegoat for all their anger this week. And trust me, they are angry with her (especially in death). Despite everything I did to make things better, they will need someone to yell at. To those family members, I have only one thing to say: I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire.

Don't get me wrong ... this woman was not the nicest of people, not even to her family. More likely she behaved worse with her family than anyone else ... but she is still a human being and she is still their mother. She deserved better than being left to die at home, alone.

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May 09, 2007

I feel like everything I sow
Is being swept away

Think you had a crappy day? At least you didn't get a jury summons.

Fucking judicial system

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January 16, 2007

No You Don't Mean Nothing At All To Me

I'm headed out the door and into the freezing abyss of painful drama (read: Kansas) around noon...

It is the last step for us in the criminal portion of this nightmare ... sentencing. Eleven months to the day that grandma was killed.

Some of the family that I think should be there will be staying home. The satan-spawn patiently waiting for the moment she can really take my dad to the cleaners, however, has demanded her presence be allowed *JOY!* It has been a roller coaster of heart break and hatred I had no idea I had the capacity to feel toward another person, let alone someone my own father would bring into my life.

I am so emotionally drained from the past year that my only prayer at this point is for the strength to address the court and share with the defendant's family my pain as they sit hoping for a light sentence.

Wish me luck (and vote for Hook while I'm gone, if you haven't already)

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November 15, 2006

Am I Living In Groundhog Day?

Please see yesterday's post for more information

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November 14, 2006

Insomnia, stirring deep inside
Insomnia, somebody turn out the lights

I'm not sure if I am officially back on my insomnia kick, but last night was a struggle. This morning has been even worse.

I tried going to bed well before midnight but I'm not sure how many hours went by before I actually fell asleep. At 12:45 I was getting up to turn the heat down because I was just too hot under the blanket.

I tossed and turned all night long, unable to get comfortable. I could not let go of being awake - mentally, physically - my body and mind wanted to be awake. I do not feel like I dozed for more than 30-40 minutes at a time.

At 5:30 the terrible headache and frustration were just too much. I gave up on sleep and have been watching TV in the living room ever since.

I feel unrested, achey, tense, and frustrated ... and I still have the headache. I sure hope this isn't an indication of how my day is going to go ...

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November 08, 2006

Midterm Disappointment

As ArmyWifeToddlerMom has said, she did not sleep well, neither did I.

When I went to bed I was mostly ignoring the election game but I couldn't help noticing it looked like my team was in trouble**

The Virginia race was tight but at least Allen was on top when I shut everything down. Now Webb is claiming victory? And we have to wait until Thanksgiving for the official word?

And this Pelosi nonsense? I must be in a dream ... please let me be in a terribly, horrible nightmare ...

But Andi has things right with the silver lining ... we have a mission to make sure each and every mistake these fools inflict upon our country is loudly and widely publicized so that their true colors will show in time to keep them out of the Presidency in '08.


** For the asshat that like to leave halfwit political comments - my team is the Republican side

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August 28, 2006

Everything Just Fell Apart

If you thought I hated my landlord before ...

One - My oven has been out of commission for a good several weeks and there is no promise of it being fixed anytime soon. How is a domestic diva to do any baking or food making under these conditions????

Two - When I asked about the light fixure dangling by its wiring above my bed (take note that my landlord caused this damage himself) something he said was, "I was under the impression that you were ok with that." Seriously? Who thinks that?

Three - My A/C is out for the second summer in a row. The temp on the thermostat does not move, the airflow from the vents is practically nil. I went out to the storage closet where our unit is to figure out the problem today and found it was not the icebox it usually is (gotta love inefficiency, right?). I felt the duct work, most of it was chilled but a portion was freezing. I checked the filter - it had wet spots on it. Great. The A/C had frozen up and I spent the day thawing it out. See what happens when you fix things on the cheap? They break again ... soonly ...

The kicker? He's been on a business trip for the last month (with his car parked at my house ... the jackass) ... in CHINA! And he won't be back until after Labor Day. It took him two weeks to get the A/C fixed last summer when he wasn't just getting back from a business trip. Shouldn't people like this have a management company running their property?

I can honestly say I've never had such a lazy, cheap landlord. Anyone know the point at which I can start deducting money from my rent for his lack of upkeep?

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August 24, 2006

Credit Card Bandits

I got a voicemail from my credit card company today asking me to call them in response to a security concern. They left a number and told me which prompts to follow, and that any agent at that point could help me.

I checked my account and didn't see anything wrong. But still I was nervous.

As well I should have been. When I called, they told me that there were two charges made today that seemed out of place. One was to a grocery store, the other for some kind of needlework ...

... In BRAZIL ...

Yeah, I call those charges fully out of place. I've never been to South America, let alone Brazil.

So I'll spend the next 7 to 10 days without my Mastercard. Thank God I have a back up.

The oddest part, I can't quite bring myself to shred the gold little thing ... I've memorized the poor numbers with the black worn off ... it would be like killing one of my oldest stuffed animals. It has been such a good card to me ...

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July 07, 2006

House Centipedes Must Die

I am aware that these little bastards are generally harmless but wtf are they doing in my house?

They are supposed to like dark, damp places ... my bedroom is anything but damp and dark. Remember ... I have an entire wall of window through with the fire of Hades warms my room to the temperature of the sun.

To get rid of them you're supposed to seal cracks in the walls. Well we sure do have our fair share of cracked walls (and doorframes) ... Not to mention windows with a layer of sand on the sills because they don't seal, a door with a gap that allows moisture into the entryway, and water damage on one of our ceilings ... I think I've figured out how they are getting in!

Seriously, I don't care how many spiders they eat ... in my house, they die!

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June 28, 2006

That Sock Conversation

11:06 PM
me: well I'll do my best to keep you readers happy
just don't let me get bored, I start blogging about obscure things

reader: hey, it's all about substance

me: like cadavers or how terrible sex with socks on is

11:07 PM
reader: depends on what kind of socks

me: if they are socks, they suck
end of discussion

11:08 PM
reader: whatever, you're telling me there's no difference between ankle socks that get your feet and big ass tube socks that go halfway up your leg?

--------------------------------------------
I never got to finish this conversation, so I'll defend my position via blog ...

Having sex with socks on sucks. Period. SUCKS! Suck suckity suck suck sucks. I don't care how great the sex is, wearing socks just taints the whole damn experience for me.

Maybe this is just me, the person who can't stand other people's feet touching her own, but it is a huge peeve. I don't even like to wear socks during the day time, why would I want to wear them to bed? They make you all hot and make your feet get all caught up in the blankets. And then while you're having sex? That's just unnecessary friction potential and poor body ventilation.

Plus, if I'm wearing socks, my dude can't do that little thing I like ...

So you see, the type of sock does not matter. A sock is a sock is a sock. All of them evil, no matter their type.

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June 26, 2006

Ghost Dreams

I'm not really sure what has been going on lately, but I can't sleep for crap. There have just been a string of odd, creepy dreams that leave me tossing and turning for hours. I suppose I wouldn't mind so much if it were normal for me to dream, but it isn't. In the past, dreams have meant something. They have been previews of events to come or they have carried with them messages for me to decipher.

Last week there was the talking dog that left me feeling particularly disturbed one morning. Last night it was ghosts.

In a very House on Haunted Hill fashion, there were a group of people staying at my grandmother's house. Each person had their own bedroom ... and each was haunted in a different psych-ward induced nightmare-ish fashion. The house was filled with a variety of screams and terrible noises all night.

The girl in the bedroom next to mine was the only person I could communicate with. The ghosts in her room had slammed the door to the hall and refused to allow her to open the one that connected to my room. She kept screaming for help as I could hear her go insane with fear.

Futilely, I tried to reassure her - if you are nice to the ghosts, they will be nice back. I sat in my own room have a one sided conversation with at least 2 or 3 ghosts that I couldn't see but I knew were there. It was only small talk, but nothing had touched me and I was relatively sure I was free from danger.

On the other side of the wall I heard what sounded like chaos - her screaming, items being thrown, banging on the walls and doors. At one point, I think I heard her crying and saying that one of the ghosts was raping her.

I was powerless. It was up to her to keep her ghosts at bay. She hadn't shown them the respect that they wanted. If I went to help her, it would have been the two of us to die. No amount of outside effort could save her.

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June 23, 2006

Make My Sty Go Away!

Ok, I'll admit it ... my bedroom is a complete fucking sty ... the only thing missing is pigs. There are empty boxes, piles of clothes, stacks of books, random collections of stuff ... the list is rediculous, I assure you.

The problem is that I think I'm just too overwhelmed with my own slovenliness to recover from the avalanche this time. Luckily there are no dirty dishes or things for actual animals to eat, or I'd be in real trouble.

I'm finally willing to pay whomever wishes to become the paid victim of this chaos that cleans it up. It will have to be a hefty pricetag, I'm sure. But I can live on credit for a while if I have to ... right?

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June 22, 2006

Ice Cream Is A Meal

I don't care what you say, it is. And it is a perfectly reasonable meal after the time I've been having.

First I had a fitful sleep because of some crazy dream about a talking dog. The thing looked like a stuffed animal my grandmother had, but it was real. It died and I left it in the bathroom. I knew it was there, but I didn't do anything with it ... after all, it wasn't going anywhere, right? Wrong. Turns out it wasn't really dead. It started talking to me, telling me that it wasn't dead but horribly sick instead. But I couldn't find a way to get it to the vet, so I woke up in a panic about how it would be all my fault this dog died.

Solution: Ice cream for breakfast.

I discover my newest piece of artwork is warped and has to be weighed down to flatten, so there goes my plan for hanging that today. Grrr.

Then I decide to finally put together the awesome pub table I bought a couple months back. Which means taking apart the old one my roommate had a fit about me wanting to get rid of. Well, if I just take it apart, he can't be mad. It ended up coming apart quite easily, much to my surprise. But not without smacking my head on the hanging light above it and almost knocking myself out.

I think I inflicted some drain bramage though because following that, I voluntarily mopped the kitchen. Not swiffer mopped or some half-assed shit either ... I full on mopped with a real mop and then got down on the floor to use a rag on the floor. I've never mopped a thing in my life. I'm either missing brain cells or I really need a job.

So, thinking that my day was beginning to go well, I started in on the new table. The table itself went together in a flash, super easy. Rock on, maybe today won't suck so much after all.

But sometimes we realize, we jinx ourselves, even in thought.

I hit my head on the damn light fixture, almost breaking it, another two or three times ... I'm not really sure, but I think the number line got knocked right out of my head. 1+1 = 9, right? Right? Oh, I can't hear the answer anyway, the headache is too distracting.

But I was determined to get the four stools put together. And therein lies my mistake. On the first stool, I put the crossbar into one side of the base, laid it down and attempted to put the other side of the base on. And the stupid end of the crossbar snapped off inside the base piece. SON.OF.A...

That was the end of the line for me.

Solution: Ice cream for lunch.

I told you it was a reasonable meal ...

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June 15, 2006

Enter Rat Tribble, Stage Left

After what was relayed as a night of one too many ... my dad is now the proud owner of a "cute," young, expensive purse dog. Yes, a purse dog.

A PURSE DOG... A 10 week old Yorkie to be specific ...

I'd feel sorry for him and shake my head in sympathy for the poor bastard, except he did this to his own damn self. I don't think the wicked step-mother knew it was happening or was even there to directly influence him. There's just no poor bastard about it at that point.

And to top it off, not one person in my family likes yappy dogs.

I think we're all starting to lose just a little bit of respect for the man we believed him to be ... I mean, come on ... this is worse than getting a cat ...

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June 05, 2006

HEED THE OMEN

Tomorrow is my birthday ...

6606.jpg

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May 01, 2006

Stupid Zipper

MOM!!

The stupid zipper on my stupid backback got stuck .... and I can't undo it!!!


Good thing tonight was the last day of grad school...

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April 10, 2006

Dear Immigration Protestors

Dear Immigration Protestors,

Thank you for bringing to our nation's capital your message. You have enlightened me and shown me a truth that I was before unaware of. I now see the real plight of immigrants.

Without your casual stroll enmasse across the National Mall during evening rush hour, I would never have known how many immigrants can afford to take a day off of work instead of having to slave away for their families. It must be so difficult having that kind of flexibility in your budget.

I am confused though. I read all of your signs that said "We Are America" and I listened to all the talk of how America depends on the work that you do. Yet, none of you showed up to work today and neither did your counterparts all over the rest of the country ... and America continued forward. Hmmm.

But what I am really thankful for is the honest expression of entitlement that has finally come out full force. It is terrific that you can stand there and demand the rights afforded to U.S. citizens, despite having broken the rule of law many times over, but after all ... that free speech is what America is founded on. I'm glad you could find such a selfish use for it. And all the space you are apparently entitled to in the streets and on the metro, I had no idea!

So, immigration protestors, congratulations. You achieved your goal of getting noticed. Your message that you cannot be ignored was received loud and clear. And thus, I will not ignore your cries. I will respond to the struggle you claim to fight with...
more...

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March 28, 2006

Grandma Update

I got the following e-mail from my father this evening when I got home from work:

Court hearing this morning. Finally, a preliminary hearing scheduled for April 18. Likely he will plead/deal before that. Looking like all parties may agree on a 10 to 12 year sentencing - somewhere in that range - knowing that parole after serving 15% to 20% of time is possible.
I am so not ok with this ... on any level. What kind of tough on crime, tough on drunk driving message are we sending when an irresponsible drunk can kill an elderly woman and serve only 1.5 - 2 years? She had far more years than that left on her life and she was a member of society that actually contributed! She touched people and changed their lives, just by being who she was. And this scumbag who never offered anything of substance to a community in his life gets to just take her away and be slapped on the wrist for it?

And I haven't heard word one about anyone fighting to actually put him in a courtroom. Witnesses and a good case - and they are already talking about a bullshit plea.

I'm f'in disgusted.

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March 27, 2006

Two Sides...

Either I'm having a fat day or my pants are having a small day.

I think it's probabaly the second ... I'm sure of it ...

Poor pants

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