Hopefully everyone is out and having a wonderful New Year's celebration by now. And if you aren't out, then hopefully you're either getting lit at home or you're in the process of getting yourself out somewhere. This is no night for sitting on your duff.

Personally, I will be struttin my stuff in the new boots...

(hey, I said BOOTS...)

Posted by: Princess Cat at 09:09 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Techno music was blarring, so loudly in fact that nothing else worldly could hardly be heard. The loudest sounds were the panicked and angry, silent screams of frustration.
The world moved by slow enough to make out every detail as it passed by. But the world sped by fast enough to make holding on a futile effort.

I sat in the back of the car today as we drove down the freeway, watching everything I called home speed by as something no longer mine. I nearly cried as I simply let go... of the hopes, the dreams, the plans, the everything that I thought I had found here. It isn't my home anymore. It isn't a place of relaxation or safety.

This is a painful memory of what is never to come alive for me ... one that is slowly speeding by ...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 03:56 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Well, more like ran away...

I managed a keen escape this morning and was able to flee the confines of not only my mother's house, but the town my parents live in all together. After careful, elaborate, and repetitous planning, I was able to make my get away on a train. Not the fastest of exits, but it got the job done.

For the next undisclosed period of time, I shall be in San Diego instead. Blogging may be even lighter - I have many things to see and people to do, you know - but I can't say for sure. In fact, I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you... at least most of you... The hot ones I might keep around for a few extra days...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:34 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Dear 'Flexible People'

We have had many good times together. You are wonderful to spend time with. But, I think you are a little confused about that label you put on yourself. You are not flexible.

You are flakey. You are unreliable. You are the antithesis of commitment.

In your aim to be the most easy going of the bunch, you are complicating the lives of others - namely mine in this case. It is often much less forthcoming than would be useful as the rest of us attempt to plan what you refuse to do.

Your last minute actions, notifications, and decisions do not adequately take into consideration the impact you have on others. You shirk a position that would allow you to be held accountable at a later date. You frustrate those around you that try to be a part of your lives.

I would like to ask that in the future, could you simply communicate your wants and/or needs instead of attempting to appear the least rigid or problematic of the group?

Thanks! I look forward to many more good times.

Love,
Your friend - Princess Planner Pants

Posted by: Princess Cat at 04:44 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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You know that handbasket Eric is over there pontificating about? I seem to have found one of my own...

Things with mom have completely gone to shit. Things with dad have gone farther downhill. Lil bro has gone back to his I'm-far-too-busy-for-family lifestyle. Friends in town have apparently fallen off the planet, for whatever reason.

The plans to go to San Fran seem to be scrapped - which isn't a huge disappointment - but it puts me in an odd bind of where to spend the rest of my time out here in Cali. For the first time in my life, I'm anxious to get back to DC. I am antsy to have my space back, where I can think or experience my feelings without being observed or interrogated.

... I fully grasp that all this stress and drama is due in part to my willingness to confront people on uncomfortable issues, things they don't want to see or talk about. But personally, I'd rather put my cards on the table than just sit quietly by. Because how can I expect anyone to understand how their actions affect others if I never tell them? At least there is hope when you speak up. Silence guarantees nothing but more of the same...

"But if history teaches anything, it teaches that simpleminded appeasement or wishful thinking about our adversaries is folly. It means the betrayal of our past, the squandering of our freedom." -- Ronald Reagan

Posted by: Princess Cat at 11:24 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 ... that handbasket just keeps getting bigger and bigger...

Posted by: Eric at December 28, 2005 11:52 AM (r5XsL)

2 ? Give Lex a shout out? He's got a motorcycle, or a Jet, or somethin' fast. Maybe he could bring his son along... since he's spoken for. You did ask what you might do with the rest of your time in Cali, didn't you? Meet somebody new to you!

Posted by: RedNeck at December 28, 2005 06:36 PM (3Z5dW)

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Those dudes over at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy are hosting this week's Carnival of the Future ... it's #16 this time, you know ...

And since I don't have anything even remotely positive to say after today's adventures, I highly recommend you read their stuff instead. It's far better reading. And probably more useful too...

Plus, Buckethead tells good stories, so go give him some traffic and tell him the Princess sent you. And if you really want him to like you, take some beer...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 10:25 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The best thing about staying at my mom's house is being able to go spend time at the Reagan Presidential Library.

If you're ever near LA, I highly recommend it.

Afterall, he's the greatest president ever...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 01:12 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Despite all the drama this year, I think I may have learned to be a little more of a Christmas kind of gal...

It is the first time in many years that I have finally felt supported and valued. I have spent less of my time feeling alone and abandoned, despite the moments I have found myself in tears. And I owe my blogger friends a great big thank you for that. I probably would not have had the emotional stamina to stand my ground if it were not for their tremendously kind words of encouragement.

Who knows ... maybe a few more years like this and I'll be the 'sphere's next Tammi at Christmas...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:37 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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"Sometimes my mouth is good for something..."
-- stepmom to Dad

UGH
*shudder*

Now how do I eject that DVD from my mind's memory playback system...

Gross

Posted by: Princess Cat at 03:53 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I think I should stop and clarify for a moment ...
When I bitched previously about my mistreatment at the hands of Dad's wife, I did not mean to imply that the mistreatment was in solely my direction. She is mean to my brother, just as deeply, but much more often since he lives in town. I did not mean to imply that this woman had it out for me - she resents and mistreats every decent aspect of my father's life ... not just me...

That being said... we had dinner together tonight - My father, my grandmother, my aunt, my brother, the step family, and me ...

An Italian restaurant, with nothing even remotely known as Italian American on the menu, on Christmas Eve. You couldn't even find meat on the menu hardly. No spaghetti, no lasagna, no chicken parmigiano. And the service was terrible.

The only upside to missing tradition, any sort of family bond, or seasonal atmosphere? Lots and lots of wine

Hope Santa still brings presents to us girls well on our way to being smashed!

Posted by: Princess Cat at 01:28 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I think I've hit a record here ...

Less than 24 hours in town and already I've been reduced to tears

You see, I've got half the family up in arms because I've decided to put my foot down this year. And in defending myself I ended up in a reddened faced ball of tears, with my Scotch-Irish heritage giving away just how upset I really was as my whole neck turned a blushing, blotchy, bright red too.

For at least six holiday seasons I have had to put up with the ice queen my father married a few years ago. Every time we meet, she is mean. Just plain mean. I am not supposed to talk about it because it makes my dad uncomfortable. I am supposed to be the bigger person and let it go. I am supposed to brush it off and just accept that it is the way she is, it is nothing personal.

Well you know what? It is personal. It is hurtful. It is uncalled for. And I never hear so much as an "it is unfortunate that she treats you this way" out of my father.

I believe I have been patient. I believe I have been tolerant of the time it takes to blend two instant families. I even understand that no amount of will to do so can change another person's thoughts or behaviors. However, that time of leniency has run out and I have decided that there will be no more. I love my father, I want to see him, and I want to spend Christmas with his side of my family, but I refuse to do it at his house and on her turf. Because if my father cannot nuture my discomfort and insult at the hands of his wife, then I will not be willfully wounded on his behalf.

But to the rest of the family, I am just a bitch...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:50 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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Can someone please tell me when United Airlines became the airline dedicated to uniting each and every ghetto by putting a representative population on every flight? Cuz it's a stupid idea...

I was so excited to be on a 777 last night, with an aisle seat no less. There was no way this flight could suck. It was even direct!

Oh dear sweet holy Hannah was I wrong...

My entire row was filled with spoiled hood rats and a fobby bitch. Call me racist if you like, but these people were every bit those derogatory terms. Three kids who looked like their crack whore mother had married rich were playing with every high tech toy imaginable... at high volume. The parents were on the plane somewhere, just not anywhere reasonably close. The DVD player didn't have headphones ... because they all had to watch it at the same time. God forbid they watch one of the other seven video entertainment channels provided by the airline... did you hear me? I said SEVEN! Oh, and then there's the flight attendant call button... That thing rang so many times I lost count. And not just a *ding* (wait patiently) ... No, I heard *ding* (2 seconds) *ding* (2 seconds) *ding* ... It was ridiculous. The flight attendants were pissed. And you know what these hood rats wanted? More peanuts and Mt. Dew.

And the fobby bitch? Ugh... The kind that wears contacts so her eyes are a different color than is ever going to happen in her race and a trucker hat that says "take a number" while giving everyone she sees the "Ugh, what the hell do you think you are even looking at?" To which I think, "how retarded you look cuz it certainly isn't anything else... you look like a 10 yr old boy in girl's clothes!" All I heard from this bitch was "excuse me" "excuse me" "EXCUSE ME!" every time I fell asleep, every time the flight attendant walked by, every time the kid next to her breathed wrong...

And don't even get me started on the third world conference that impeded me from picking up my luggage in a timely fashion. These damn 'I-refuse-to learn-English-because-I-swam-here-fair-and-square' little pricks literally squeezed themselves between me and the conveyor belt. I was so pissed by this point that once one of the moved I shoved myself in between them and then I yanked my bags off the carousel each with one hand and carried them out that way, one in each hand ... in addition to holding my coat and a shopping bag, and wearing my backpack. And of course on my way out I did my best 'get-the-fuck-out-of-my-goddamn-way' look and my best 'I-will-so-seriously-kick-your-ass-if-you-even-think-of-fucking-with-me' walk. The tatted up, pierced, dressed in black, hardcore band looked at me like "whoa... let's not mess with this chick"

It was NOT a good flight

Posted by: Princess Cat at 01:21 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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7 Day Forcast for A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid:

Mom's house

That's right, it's family time again ... dammit ... I'm hopping myself on a plane this evening and landing my ass in LA. But at least it is a direct flight this time...

Blogging will be lighter that usual but I won't be disappearing entirely this time. I'll need ya'll in order to keep my sanity. Christmas with my family is just plain drama.

Last year I lost all the trust I had built up in my brother because of how badly he acted. This year, he's pissed at me for putting my foot down about the step-family. I'm sure that will blow up pretty hardcore in the next couple of days. But I'm still waiting to see who will be the big winner of this year's Christmas Douche Award for greatest betrayal. Anyone want to place their bets?

Posted by: Princess Cat at 03:05 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I have grades from two of my three courses up and boy is viewing them painful...

I'm generally little miss good grade...

So far,
One B ... very hard to swallow but probably very well deserved. I struggled with those four papers like I have never struggled with any assignment before.

One B+ ... incredibly disappointed here ... I loved this class. The final was a piece of cake, which can only mean I did miserable on my paper. Guess he didn't think I was creative enough...

And I don't expect a wonderful grade in the remaining course. That professor and I clashed a bit, and he tried to nail me saying I didn't turn in a final paper, when I had proof that I had.

I will be so glad when I have graduated...

UPDATE:
The last grade finally came in. Another B+ ...
I know I shouldn't really care at this point - how much is my GPA going to matter once I've landed a job? But it is the first time in my life that there wasn't an A/A- on the grade report. A definite blow to the ego, but also a reflection of how disinterested I've become in the program.
My courses in the PhD department were tough, they were a challenge, they attempted to answer some of the questions plaguing our field. Maybe I need to be back in that department instead....

Posted by: Princess Cat at 09:55 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Tammi has tagged me with the 5 Christmas Movies Meme, with the expectation that I will have a surprise or two up my sleeve no less ... but I don't think have any surprises left on this one.

ELF is the only Christmas movie I can remember watching in the last 5 years. That has to say something for it. It means you just have to laugh... "Hello, this is Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

But, you see, I usually change the channel with Christmas movies come on TV. I'm not much of a Christmas kind of gal ... there's not another season that leaves me more disappointed and depressed. At some point, I end up off in a corner somewhere crying, every year.

I love doing things for others, buying them gifts and making them cookies, making other people feel valued and loved ... but I do that whenever I can, not just Christmas. The exchange of wish lists and poorly thought out gifts that do not reflect any real relationship between the giver and the receiver leaves me cold inside. It cheapens the idea of gift giving as a whole, it means no one really knows a thing about each other ... and the whole season has become nothing but that empty trade ...

I'm not upset over the commercialization of Christmas because people have to choose to participate in commercial activities. If people want Christmas to be religious and/or spiritual, they will experience it that way in their own personal way. That is the nature of faith, personal choices, experiences, and relationships ... ones that no one could ever take away from your heart where you live them the most deeply.

I grow increasingly frustrated by the multitude of people who talk the talk of acting in the spirit of Christmas and are so proud that they have been nice to others during the month of December. Where were you the rest of the year? Are you really proud of yourself for dropping a couple of nickels in the Salvation Army bucket when you've ignored every other charity all year long? Are you really proud of yourself for smiling at the person in the next car over a couple of extra times when the rest of the year you'll probably cut that person off four times that amount? The mass of hypocrites and fair weather good Samaritans is enough to make me skip Christmas all together.

And then there are my personal Christmas experiences... lets just say my family is full of those hypocrites - the ones that get on your case for the way you are behaving, that tell you to live in the spirit of Christmas, and then go behave worse than they do the rest of the year. Christmas has always meant fighting. It has always meant a lot of alone time, abandonment, and a lack of love. As an adult, it grew to mean egregious betrayal was in the works. Those that I love and trust are the most hateful at Christmas.

Every year I try to start fresh, to love the season, to be cheery, to spread joy and happiness ... but it never seems to work ...

I'm just not much of a Christmas kind of gal

Posted by: Princess Cat at 11:29 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Some days, the very thing that I love about blogging is the one thing I hate. What brings a smile to my face and a little boost to my ego most of the time, on a different day, can leave me slightly resentful with a dash of bitter taste in my mouth.

People read me. I have regular readers. My site meter continues to climb.

I have no idea who most of these people are. I have no idea why they come here to read about my battles through grad school and the drama of being mid-20's. The majority of readers I will never know or meet and some of them I already do.

People think I'm interesting. I contribute something to someone else's life. Maybe I make them smile too.

I come here to share my happiness and hope it spreads, to be whimsical in ways my real life cannot afford, to connect with others in the world that I may never otherwise know. I write here to spend a few moments wallowing in my disappointments before I put them away, to spew my pain before it breaks me under its weight, to vent my anger before it eats me alive.

But, dammit, people read me ... and I cannot find peace at their expense ...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 10:58 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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What Your Underwear Says About You

You like to think of yourself as innocent, even though you're not! You're a closet exhibitionist who gets a thrill from being secretly naughty.

Anyone that needed to check my panties to know this... well, let's just say they're dense enough they'd learn how to drown on dry land...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 08:58 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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There is only one more week standing between us and Christmas. I know this because the annoying lady on the radio commercials keeps reminding me in her nagging voice, "until next week... tick tick tick..." Ugh, I could kick her in the teeth most mornings.

But this one week until Christmas means that there's also only one more week to get Ernie's Let's Bring Em Home project to its goal. While he unfortunately can't reunite military in the desert with their families, he's working very hard to bring as many service members as possible to be with their families elsewhere in the States.

So head on over to www.LBEH.org and pay forward a couple bucks of kindness, if you can afford to. That young service member who ordinarily would have spent another holiday alone will really appreciate it.

They are only $3107.85 short, I know we can do this!

Posted by: Princess Cat at 11:25 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Not only do I have exes with the same name, I have friends that share the name as well... I am growing very weary of the confusion that it is causing...

Tonight's confusion...

Army Wife: "So, are you going to get so-and-so anything for his birthday?"

Princess Cat: "Yeah... I'm going to... blah blah blah blah"

...insert an occassional "uh huh" "oh, he'd like that" where appropriate...

...continue explanation for 10 minutes...

AW: "Really?"

PC: "Yeah, he'd really like it"

AW: "Wait, for so-and-so??"

PC: "No... the other so-and-so"

AW: "OH! Ok, that makes a lot more sense... I was thinking you sure were going to a lot of trouble..."

Yeah, so I turned eight shades of red for having answered in a very long and detailed manner a question that was not even asked.

Someone needs to get on increasing the variance of male names in the world...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 10:48 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Seems as though Dad has tasked me to find out which of the thousand laptops on the market is worth buying. I hate asking for help from you all, but... anyone know anything about these confusing creatures?

He's looking for a lightweight, normal sized model with decent battery life.

In fact, he had his heart set on the VIAO 670B/P until he realized it was a little too tiny to do much work on.

So, can anyone with some info hook me up? I'll totally owe you!

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:29 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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