I had a hard time sleeping last night. I kept having dreams about people being mad at me. I woke up feeling like I wanted to cry.

Then I found out that my last childhood pet went blind over the weekend. My poor kitty is finally finding his end after two years with kidney problems. He will be at the vet this afternoon, but I don't think it will be long before my mom puts him down.

It just seems like death after disappointment after death after disappointment after death after disappointment these days.

So I'm stuck sitting here today torn between feeling sorry for myself that so much saddness could be dumped on one family in such a short period of time and being grateful for having my saddness group itself in waves instead of having to face it time and time again.

Some days just call for a drink

Posted by: Princess Cat at 03:04 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I was doing laundry most of the afternoon and trying to mentally prepare for my trip, procrastinating on the packing thing because I hate doing it oh so much.

I'm discovering how sketched about seeing this criminal for the first time in person I really am ... almost six months to the day after he commited what I will always consider murder.

My family has seen him before, but I was unable to fly when the previous court dates were held. I have seen a picture of him, so I know what to expect ... a total white trash loser ... but that in person thing is just so much more powerful than a photo.

I couldn't hardly get out of bed this morning and I broke into tears tonight just thinking about how guarded I will have to be over the next several days.

I guess the stress of questioning the competency of the prosecution, anticipating the face-to-face I know I need to have, and psyching myself for this kind of family time is finally building up ...

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:01 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I was reminded recently ... against my will, in fact ... about what perception really means and how powerful it can be.

... it is a personal truth ...

... it is an intimate reality ...

... it is the thin veil of belief under which we grow to live our daily lives that keeps us generally happy and content ...

but things can change and that veil can be lifted
and we don't always like what we see
yet, there remains another veil through which the light of the world is filtered
and enters a new perspective that we must learn to find comfort in

... but is truth ever really revealed?
... if its not, does it really matter?

Posted by: Princess Cat at 12:40 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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