"Every time I've ever believed in a happy ending I've gotten severely fucked." --Brenda, Six Feet Under

Today is no different...

*head* *hit* *desk*

Posted by: Princess Cat at 02:57 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Sometimes people just can't be bothered to see the big picture. Understanding the impact of their actions on someone else is apparently just too hard. So, in light of the fact that the number of people who can't see past their own lives seems to be growing at a staggeringly exponential rate - I would love to end so many conversations these days by just playing this song:

Them:
So.

Me:
So? I'm sorry, SO?
So, so long, bye bye baby
I'll catch you on the flipside, maybe
Dontcha slip slide on a tear when you find me gone.
Go go on cry cry baby
Those tears are gonna drip dry maybe
But you're gonna miss my good love baby
for so so long
So, so long...

I bet you think I'm gonna let it slide
the way you're flashin me those puppydog eyes
Right? yeah right. Right?
WRONG.

So, so long, bye bye baby
I'll catch you on the flipside, maybe
Dontcha slip slide on a tear when you find me gone.
Go go on cry cry baby
Those tears are gonna drip dry maybe
But you're gonna miss my good love baby
for so so long
So, so long...

--Dierks Bently

Posted by: Princess Cat at 12:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Yet another difference between men and women...

To men, emotions can be WRONG.
To women, emotions are never WRONG.

From where I sit, emotions will never be wrong. They can't be wrong. There is no fundamental basis for emotions to be wrong or right. You can't control your feelings.

You can control how you deal with emotions. You can control your behavior in conjunction with those emotions. These things can be right or wrong. They are cognitive decisions that a person should be held responsible for.

Emotions are something to be recognized and understood. Their existence must be validated. Their source should be sought. Any root cause should be dealt with.

People go through a lot through their lives, some more than others, and we have to find a way to process it all. Our personal, internal response to those experiences is what makes us who we are. Those emotions cannot be wrong, only how we express them.

Posted by: Princess Cat at 03:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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They say that girls want to date men that are like their fathers. I don't know how true the general statement is as a whole but for me, I couldn't agree more. Growing up my father was my best friend. He made mistakes along the way in his marriage to my mom but when it came to me, I thought he was a god.

Dad raised me with a sense of right and wrong that I believed in. I didn't just follow the rules because he said so. I understood them and their purpose. He cared about my understanding of why things were the way things were supposed to be.
He always had time to listen to my stories or look at what I had done at school that day. It was harder to show him things when he was on the road but he still had time to listen on the phone. It wasn't so that he could be proud of me either. It was because he knew how much it meant to be to have him pay attention to me and think I was important. That time together taught me out to be proud of myself, for me.
No matter how hard I tried to hide it, he always knew when I had a bad day. Even when I was pissy and brushed him off, he persisted and he would always take me for a drive to get away from things and talk it out. We wouldn't come home until we had talked long enough to make things feel better.
He did what he could to make me one of the cool kids. He would take my friends and me out for ice cream of just drive us around in his sports car so that we felt grown up and cool.
He would always take the time to help me with school work. Even after I started studying things that weren't in his field he did his best. If I had a hard paper in college he would go to the bookstore and find a book he thought would help and overnight it to me. Most of the time the books weren't that helpful, but knowing he wanted to help that much was important.
When we moved and I had to start a new school I was unbelievably upset. The first day of school when they called the parents into an orientation of their own, my dad pulled a chair aside and cried at how much his decision to take a new job was hurting me. We all knew it was the right decision in the long run but it killed him to see me so upset in the process.
He paid attention to the little things and the details. He knew how simple things could change a person's day, including a kid's. Getting to ride on the tractor or go see the new Deere. Going to the produce stand for a snack. The reward of a Saturday morning donut at the local shop for a job well done on the paper route. Never big things. Never enough to spoil us. Just enough that I knew I was never far from his mind and that my happiness meant more to him than anything money could buy.

He's not quite the man he used to be but that was my daddy. I was lucky to be raised by such a kind and thoughtful man. I'd be the luckiest girl on the planet to find someone like that again.

Posted by: Princess Cat at 05:45 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Ok readers...I have a dilemma...

I love my blog. Playing with the blog. Writing in the blog. Reading other blogs. I love bloggy stuff.

Naturally I want to include people I care about in that part of my life and I want their opinion on things. Hell, I want their approval on it. Not in the way that I need them to ok everything I do but I need them to be supportive of what I am doing. Suggestions on how to improve are good too. Things are always more fun when your friends enjoy them too and want to see you be the best at them.

However, I am finding myself with the urge to make swiss cheese of my life and exclude those I care about from my bloggy lovin ways. It is hard for me to share things that are important so I am ultra sensitive about them. Telling me in any way that I'm not good enough doesn't sit well. And when I get burned I don't just yank my hand away, I run screaming from the stove.

What to do... what to do...

It feels so empty not being able to talk about my loves but it sux so much when we do...

Is the swiss cheese life sustainable?

Posted by: Princess Cat at 12:13 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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What is it with people that want what they can't have? I'm referring more specifically to people that want what they had, but they really want it only after they have thrown it away. Is this simply the embodiment of the cliché, "you don't know what you've got until it’s gone"? I really want to be a bitch about it since these lyrics are in my head:
You know you tore me up / You really wore me out / I swear I cried so much / That I nearly drowned / ... / Now its you who calls / And me who's never home / / Who's cryin now? / Knowin itÂ’s too late / To get us back together / ... / Who's cryin now? / Who's lonely? / Now who's sad?
But instead the majority of the time I react much differently and with a lot more anger. I end up feeling things like:
If I'm so important now, why the hell didn't you care then?
If you've always thought I was so great, why the hell did you feel so comfortable using me the way you did?
If you've always liked who I am, why the hell did you make such a fool of me?
If all you can give me are excuses for the past, how the hell do you expect me to see anything new?
But then again...I guess that's a pretty bitchy attitude as well...

I knew what I was leaving behind when I left San Diego and went to grad school. I hated leaving and I did so kicking and screaming the entire way. But I felt compelled to do so if I was serious about my career path. Unfortunately the grad school experience has done nothing but repeatedly let me down and makes me question my ability to ever make a difference in this field.

Living on the East Coast has once again changed my personality from the Princess most people in my life know (and love, I hope). This is the third time I've parked myself over here and I have just never been able to call it home. It takes a special person to be able to call both coasts home and that just isn't me. The lifestyles are very different and they are very distinct. I miss the one I had in the West where it was easy to smile and my eyes sparkled when I did. Out here I can smile but itÂ’s just not the same. Put a picture of me from SD next to a picture of me here and they look more like sisters than the same person.

I'm not just pitying myself for the past, or being homesick...I'm Me-sick these days. I want the old me back - the one that hardly needed sleep, always found the fun in things, and loved living life, even on the bad days.

Posted by: Princess Cat at 04:01 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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These lyrical excerpts felt particularly appropriate today:

One more kiss could be the best thing / But one more lie could be the worst / And all these thoughts are never resting / And you're not something I deserve

I dream ahead to what I hope for / And I turn my back on loving you / How can this love be a good thing / When I know what I'm goin through

And no matter how hard I try / I can't escape these things inside I know

You love me but you donÂ’t know who I am / I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand

-- 3 Doors Down, "Let Me Go"

Posted by: Princess Cat at 04:32 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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